It’s not uncommon to hear Christian women setting themselves the goal of dating ‘a Christian man’. But what does that mean, exactly? What makes a man a Christian man? As women, this goal is easier to meet if we have the answer – ideally from the men themselves! Samantha Cabrera interviewed some godly men to gain some perspective on the issue:
How Can Women Identify A Truly Christian Man?
As women, it can be hard to understand the male perspective on what it means to be a Christian man. What drives them? What values do they hold? What or who made them into the man they are today? How would they describe what being a true man of God looks like?
A few men were open and willing to share their own views on what being a Christian man should look like, Christian dating, and what a godly marriage should embody. These men share their hearts and minds from across the world — from California, to Florida, to Harare, Zimbabwe.
Some of the moments that made these men into who they are today involved differing moments from moving far off from home (TX to CA)…riding a public bus system for a whole year at 4 A.M…having to fend for oneself in a country with a dying economy while his family moved off to England…and witnessing a grandfather’s love for his dying wife with Alzheimer’s.
What Makes A Godly, Christian Man?
In whole, the men interviewed believed “childish” things involved idleness, unproductivity (too much social media and games), dating just to date (as opposed to purposeful dating), and not taking responsibility. In opposition, being a grown, godly man is not just an adjective; it is in fact, a way of life that involves prayer, dedication, and humbleness.
“A godly man loves God and loves others. He should look to the model of Christ and follow his example. He should lay down his life for the sake of others, and pursue, initiate, protect, and lead in whatever areas of life he is involved.” Preston Smedley, California
“A man of God is someone who loves God. He is humble and not afraid to admit he is wrong. He understands he has a responsibility to lead. He is diligent and puts others before himself and is not afraid to get his hands dirty. He depends on God completely.” Rolain Peterson, Harare, Zimbabwe
“Being a man of God means to allow Him to lead, and to be faithful to follow. There are people who believe that we have to be somewhat “holy” before we follow—but we are works of progress much like a painting…the true challenge is placing our own selves and expectations aside.” Nelson Torres, Florida
Recognizing a Christian Man
While any man can call himself a Christian, the Bible reminds us that you will know if you’re truly dating a Christian man by assessing his fruits. This means there are particular values and goals you are looking for in a husband, specifically involving your faith. Because tailored platforms like Christian Mingle prioritize these spiritual aspects, you’re able to be more scrupulous in choosing the partner who’s most compatible and in alignment with your beliefs and lifestyle.
Defining Godly Characteristics
There are some fairly notable qualities you should be on the lookout for when pursuing a Christian relationship with a man, which means you should be aware of what these distinct characteristics are beforehand. The following are the most prominent.
- Integrity – Lying and being deceitful are some of the most detested actions in the Bible, so being honest about your faith and upholding authenticity and transparency in your relationship is imperative. This includes all facets of life — work, recreation, media consumption, etc.
- Respect – Having respect for your partner is arguably the most important sign of compatibility since no serious relationship can persist without mutual admiration for one another. However, these thoughtful and empathetic traits should also be on display wherever they go, as a Godly man always treats others with dignity and compassion.
- Strength – While physical strength can be useful, the type of strength a man needs to oversee his relationship with the Lord, his partner, and others in his life simultaneously is mental acuity. The reason this is crucial leads us to our next point.
- Balance – Having the cognitive capacity to juggle the numerous responsibilities of daily life while still having the ability to lead your relationship spiritually is the ultimate skill of any Godly man, as this displays his commitment to priorities rather than the distractions of the world.
- Confidence – Though confidence is an attractive quality for most, seeing a Christian man who is steadfast in his faith continuing to put God first in everything he does, including his romantic relationship, reveals someone who is focused and committed in their walk with Christ, further showcasing their potential as a companion for life.
Faith-Driven Actions and Values
You won’t be able to verify these values in a Christian man without witnessing their actions for yourself, and there are a few key parts of life you can see on display. First and foremost is their role and demeanor at Church, which not only shows community involvement, but also how they interact and treat others throughout different seasons of their life. If they’re constantly compassionate and welcoming to others, it shows he is willing to put God first in daily life.
Another trait worth watching is how disciplined they are in their faith when out in the world, which provides many distractions and idols by which modern man can be influenced. This could be as simple as analyzing how they treat a waitress in a restaurant or a homeless person on the street, or with more nuance, such as considering their propensity to consume alcohol or spend time with non-believers.
Finally, you’ll want him to show you examples of how his walk with Christ has shaped his lifestyle, so if he’s not making time to pray for the both of you, prioritizing church activities, or asking to engage in a Bible study, you may want to inquire further and make it clear that is what you’d like to see. Ultimately, the ideal Christian husband is going to embody Christ to the best of his ability, which includes focusing on God’s will for your future together.
Notable Traits of a Godly Man
If you’re someone who’s been seeking faith-based relationships without success, it could very well be that your beliefs, lifestyle, and values are not quite compatible. This is why spiritual dating apps like Christian Mingle aim to erase this disconnection before you even match, helping to only pair you with individuals who meet your explicit expectations. Here are a few of the most important topics you must see eye-to-eye on.
Alignment in Faith
Unity through faith is the most crucial part of any Christian relationship, as your joint commitment and profession in the Gospel shows your devotion to the Lord is just as strong as a couple as it is individually. While there are many denominations within the Christian religion, Amos 3:3 asks, “Can two walk together unless they agree?” This means it’s dependent on both the man and woman to discuss their outlooks and determine if they’re compatible, as some couples may be more willing to compromise over certain issues than others.
Evaluating Priorities and Values
Like faith itself, your focus and lifestyle need to exemplify not only your personal walk with Christ, but also how you’re willing to incorporate your partner into that journey. This means making time for prayer on a daily basis, showing mutual respect for one another, and ultimately coming together over the practical challenges you’ll inevitably face in the future. If a man is willing to remain steadfast in his faith and maintain a heart of service for both you and his community, you will see his true values at work.
Willingness to Grow and Seek Counsel
One of the resounding qualities of a Christian man is that he never becomes too full of himself, which means he’s always willing to find new ways to continue to grow and do what it takes to support his family. Oftentimes, this includes seeking counsel from church elders or other mature individuals he respects, which can provide profound knowledge and advice from those who are on the outside looking in and want the best for both parties. Not only will this help with things like Biblical knowledge or spiritual discipline, but it will allow your to grow as a couple.
Conflict Resolution
No relationship comes without strife, but it’s up to both the man and woman to practice healthy conflict-resolution strategies so that each party feels respected and heard. Patience is one of the most crucial qualities here, but showing love through disagreement by being forgiving and understanding goes a long way. If you’re able to refer to the Bible in times of conflict, you’re able to consult a reference you mutually believe in, helping you to resolve disputes with grace and without harboring resentment.
Finding Compatibility with a Christian Man
While you may be worrying about your potential compatibility with different Christian men, one thing to remember is that God has someone for you. However, patience is a virtue. True compatibility is realized when analyzing all the encompassing factors in both your and your partner’s life, which include, but aren’t limited to faith, values, lifestyle, hobbies, behavior, and personal or practical goals.
Though you can meet someone who has claimed to fulfill all your preferences on a dating platform like Christian Mingle, you still need to vet a man yourself to ensure he upholds these qualities over time. If you truly feel a connection and sense of mutual respect that only grows stronger the longer you’ve been together, there’s a good chance you’re fit for a serious, long-term relationship together.
Love And Dating: A Christian Man’s Perspective
When asked about what Christian dating should look like, responses involved a man’s initiation and also their lack of “reading women”. They also covered who a woman dating a Christian man – and a man dating a Christian woman – should trust in God to set the pace.
“Men are bad at knowing feelings and emotion, and knowing you’re interested. So, I think if a girl is interested, it’s good to be upfront to tell the guy or have mutual friends let [him] know. After that, it should be the guy’s responsibility to call, plan dates, etc. If he’s interested, he will put the effort. Be smart about purity…do not meet one on one in private places. Focus on values and the heart and not romance, butterflies and superficial things like culture today.” Preston Smedley, CA
“Before marrying our future wives, we should fully trust the heart of God. It’s this love that He wants to show through us. Prayer is definitely the number one way to seek Him…if we love the way we are supposed to, every relationship we have in life will be blessed—especially with the one God wants us to share a wedding cake with.” Nelson Torres, FL
Christian Men And Marriage
When asked about single Christian men, marriage, and what a godly relationship should look like, they each described marriage as a covenant and gift.
“Marriage is the covenant relationship of joining a man and woman into one. Marriage should be the most intimate relationship we occur. It is where someone should be fully free to know and love another person…the husband or wife should be free to open up, and be fully known without any hiding. And, in the confines of that deep and close relationship, a spouse should give not only happiness and encouragement, but true hard knock love seeing blind spots, rebuking bad behaviors, and looking for their spouse’s ultimate long term good.” Preston Smedley, CA
“I see marriage as a holy, sacred covenant that God created, blessed and declared good. Marriage is about dying to self…like Christ loved the church and died for the church He loved, I am called to do the same. Marriage is another level of responsibility, blessing and growth.” Rolain Peterson, Harare, Zimbabwe
“Marriage is a gift–a reflection of God’s love and commitment to us. That’s why it’s so beautiful when Christ is at the center of it. It’s the opportunity to start a family and to cherish the woman you love through every moment God blesses. There will be highs and lows, but love conquers all–especially with a whole hearted commitment to grace and understanding.” Nelson Torres, FL
A Final Perspective On Godly Men
Dr. Phil Bryant was also willing to share some of his convictions. He describes a godly man as someone who loves the Lord with all of his heart, soul, and mind. He also believes that marriage and putting away childish things can go hand-in-hand.
“Genesis 2:24, ‘Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.’ In the present context, ‘leave his father and mother’ is similar in nature to putting off the child-ish things. I see child-ish-ness in young men when they believe they can–and must–make it in this world alone. They often believe that learning from other men with greater wisdom and experience is a sign of weakness.”
One interesting note, is when he states that a man and a woman should focus on a blooming friendship…and to see where the road takes them. For Bryant, that road has been a marriage of 21 years with his wife.
“Watch, observe, listen to, and learn from older, more mature Christian men. Make friends with girls and women. Don’t worry about dating and falling in love, just become friends.” Dr. Phil Bryant
Dating for Christian singles can often be daunting and emotionally complicated, but if we just stop and look up to the God who cares for us, just as these men know full and well, everything else will fall into place. Trust Him.
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33
You might also be interested in: Meeting Spiritual Singles: Finding Your Soulmate
