Dating a Christian Man: How Godly Men See Love & Marriage

It’s not uncommon to hear Christian women setting themselves the goal of dating ‘a Christian man’. But what does that mean, exactly? What makes a man a Christian man? As women, this goal is easier to meet if we have the answer – ideally from the men themselves! Samantha Cabrera interviewed some godly men to gain some perspective on the issue:

How Can Women Identify A Truly Christian Man?

As women, it can be hard to understand the male perspective on what it means to be a Christian man. What drives them? What values do they hold? What or who made them into the man they are today? How would they describe what being a true man of God looks like?

A few men were open and willing to share their own views on what being a Christian man should look like, Christian dating, and what a godly marriage should embody. These men share their hearts and minds from across the world — from California, to Florida, to Harare, Zimbabwe.

Some of the moments that made these men into who they are today involved differing moments from moving far off from home (TX to CA)…riding a public bus system for a whole year at 4 A.M…having to fend for oneself in a country with a dying economy while his family moved off to England…and witnessing a grandfather’s love for his dying wife with Alzheimer’s.

What Makes A Godly, Christian Man?

In whole, the men interviewed believed “childish” things involved idleness, unproductivity (too much social media and games), dating just to date (as opposed to purposeful dating), and not taking responsibility. In opposition, being a grown, godly man is not just an adjective; it is in fact, a way of life that involves prayer, dedication, and humbleness.

“A godly man loves God and loves others. He should look to the model of Christ and follow his example. He should lay down his life for the sake of others, and pursue, initiate, protect, and lead in whatever areas of life he is involved.” Preston Smedley, California

“A man of God is someone who loves God. He is humble and not afraid to admit he is wrong. He understands he has a responsibility to lead. He is diligent and puts others before himself and is not afraid to get his hands dirty. He depends on God completely.” Rolain Peterson, Harare, Zimbabwe

“Being a man of God means to allow Him to lead, and to be faithful to follow. There are people who believe that we have to be somewhat “holy” before we follow—but we are works of progress much like a painting…the true challenge is placing our own selves and expectations aside.” Nelson Torres, Florida

Love And Dating: A Christian Man’s Perspective

When asked about what Christian dating should look like, responses involved a man’s initiation and also their lack of “reading women”. They also covered who a woman dating a Christian man – and a man dating a Christian woman – should trust in God to set the pace.

“Men are bad at knowing feelings and emotion, and knowing you’re interested. So, I think if a girl is interested, it’s good to be upfront to tell the guy or have mutual friends let [him] know. After that, it should be the guy’s responsibility to call, plan dates, etc. If he’s interested, he will put the effort. Be smart about purity…do not meet one on one in private places. Focus on values and the heart and not romance, butterflies and superficial things like culture today.” Preston Smedley, CA

“Before marrying our future wives, we should fully trust the heart of God. It’s this love that He wants to show through us. Prayer is definitely the number one way to seek Him…if we love the way we are supposed to, every relationship we have in life will be blessed—especially with the one God wants us to share a wedding cake with.” Nelson Torres, FL

Christian Men And Marriage

When asked about single Christian men, marriage, and what a godly relationship should look like, they each described marriage as a covenant and gift.

“Marriage is the covenant relationship of joining a man and woman into one. Marriage should be the most intimate relationship we occur. It is where someone should be fully free to know and love another person…the husband or wife should be free to open up, and be fully known without any hiding. And, in the confines of that deep and close relationship, a spouse should give not only happiness and encouragement, but true hard knock love seeing blind spots, rebuking bad behaviors, and looking for their spouse’s ultimate long term good.” Preston Smedley, CA

“I see marriage as a holy, sacred covenant that God created, blessed and declared good. Marriage is about dying to self…like Christ loved the church and died for the church He loved, I am called to do the same. Marriage is another level of responsibility, blessing and growth.” Rolain Peterson, Harare, Zimbabwe

“Marriage is a gift–a reflection of God’s love and commitment to us. That’s why it’s so beautiful when Christ is at the center of it. It’s the opportunity to start a family and to cherish the woman you love through every moment God blesses. There will be highs and lows, but love conquers all–especially with a whole hearted commitment to grace and understanding.” Nelson Torres, FL

A Final Perspective On Godly Men

Dr. Phil Bryant was also willing to share some of his convictions. He describes a godly man as someone who loves the Lord with all of his heart, soul, and mind. He also believes that marriage and putting away childish things can go hand-in-hand.

“Genesis 2:24, ‘Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.’ In the present context, ‘leave his father and mother’ is similar in nature to putting off the child-ish things. I see child-ish-ness in young men when they believe they can–and must–make it in this world alone. They often believe that learning from other men with greater wisdom and experience is a sign of weakness.”

One interesting note, is when he states that a man and a woman should focus on a blooming friendship…and to see where the road takes them. For Bryant, that road has been a marriage of 21 years with his wife.

“Watch, observe, listen to, and learn from older, more mature Christian men. Make friends with girls and women. Don’t worry about dating and falling in love, just become friends.” Dr. Phil Bryant

Dating for Christian singles can often be daunting and emotionally complicated, but if we just stop and look up to the God who cares for us, just as these men know full and well, everything else will fall into place. Trust Him.

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33

You might also be interested in: Meeting Spiritual Singles: Finding Your Soulmate