Everyone I know wants to be in significant relationships. That is why we invest in friendships and pursue romantic interests. For most, the pursuit of romance starts out with caution; we spend time searching and evaluating to find someone who’s a perfect fit. Over time, however, our romantic pursuits can become rushed as the prospect of being alone for a lifetime blurs our discernment. For Christian singles, this might extend to belief systems – we’re so busy looking for love we forget about the importance of equally yoked dating. But not taking the time to fully consider this kind of compatibility can lead to serious consequences.
Who Are You Willing To Date?
If you are an active individual who takes care of yourself and has decent social skills, people will want to spend time with you. They will find you attractive and interesting, which can be a great boost to your self-confidence. However, not everyone who is interested in spending time with you is a good choice for you. In fact, some people will make your life harder rather than easier.
In general, you are going to find it is simpler to date someone who has an active faith in Jesus than someone who has not trusted Christ as their Savior. I do not say this because believers are automatically better people or more skilled at relationships. I say this because of the transformation that takes place when an individual meets Jesus.
Equally Yoked Dating = Alive In Christ Together
The apostle Paul puts it this way: “You were dead in your transgressions and sins … But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace.” (Ephesians 2:1, 13-14)
Before we knew Christ, we were “dead in our transgressions.” Notice this verse does not say we were inconsiderate or lazy or immature. It says we were dead in some way. When you trusted in Christ, you were transformed into a spiritually alive person who was brought near to God and infused with peace. As a result, when you spend time with another believer, there is an innate connection. You both are alive spiritually, at peace with God and at peace with all who have been adopted into his family.
Conversely, unequally yoked dating – aka spending time with someone who has not trusted Christ – presents an inherent obstacle. They are alive physically with social and emotional needs, but the part of them that responds spiritually is dead. You may have earthly interests in common, but you’ll be unable to share the spiritual motivations that underpin your convictions and guide your decisions.
Seeds vs. Blooms
Here’s another way to consider the difference between equally yoked dating (dating a believer) and unequally yoked dating (dating a non-believer). Imagine receiving a bouquet of flowers with an encouraging note attached. It would warm your heart, and the sight of them on display would be inspirational.
But what if the same thing happened with a package of seeds rather than flowers, and the person giving them expected to get the same reaction? The seeds possess the potential of becoming flowers, but they would need to be transformed from their current lifeless state in order to release their beauty. Until then, they are dried up and unattractive. They wouldn’t have the same impact because they aren’t alive yet.
Where To Find Equally Yoked Believers
The operative question, then, is how do we meet genuine believers who are interested in spending time with us? Here are a few ideas for narrowing down your search for equally yoked singles:
- Spend time regularly in environments where believers gather (both online, with sites like Christian Mingle, and offline, in church and ministry gatherings).
- Be prepared to share what God has taught you from the Bible in a friendly way.
- Casually ask your friends (men and women) what God has taught them recently.
- Spend more time with the people who give solid answers.
- Invite the one you are attracted to on a date.
When it comes to your dating choices, you will find it is easier to date those who have a vibrant faith in our Savior because they have experienced the life-giving transformation that brings peace to relationships.
You may also be interested in Dating Vs. Courtship: Which Is Right For You?