Do you have a hard time standing up for yourself in relationships? Do you let your significant other’s opinions overrule your own? Have you ever found yourself dating someone who is bossy, rude or just plain mean? It doesn’t sound like fun, but it happens. So why would someone do that? Because they have no idea how set healthy boundaries in relationships.
If that (even remotely) sounds like you, then it’s times to learn how to create those healthy boundaries. In relationships, you have to know how to take care of yourself as well as your partner. It’s the best way to improve your self-esteem, your romantic relationships, and your life overall!
What Does It Mean To Have Healthy Boundaries In Relationships?
Having firm, healthy boundaries in relationships (and in life) means that you feel comfortable with yourself and your decisions and would never allow someone to put you down, bully you or manipulate you. Boundaries give you the courage to think critically, make a decision and then stand by that decision. Having weak boundaries is dangerous because it can mean that you are easily swayed or intimidated. This is especially dangerous in romantic relationships because we often grow the closest to those we love; when that happens we may not realize our boundaries are weakened until one partner becomes the dominant player in the relationship and problems start to arise.
Why Are Boundaries So Important?
Healthy relationships require two strong, caring and loving partners who live independent, yet intertwined lives. You both should have a strong sense of security and safety in your relationship. You should also feel free to think, speak or act without being judged. Having firm boundaries allows you to be clear about the people you are dating and whether or not they deserve your time. A person with strong boundaries would not waste time with a person who consistently put them down. A person with weak boundaries would. That alone makes it easy to see why it’s so important to have healthy boundaries in relationships.
Strong boundaries are also the key to loving yourself, completely and wholly because they are connected to our self-esteem. Believe in yourself and your decisions. Only you and God truly know what is best for you, so trust and stand up for yourself when needed! If you don’t, you could wind up letting someone else make all your decisions for you, and what kind of a life is that? Certainly not one that God has intended for us!
How Do I Build Stronger Boundaries?
Setting boundaries in dating should start from the very beginning of a relationship. You can begin to build healthy boundaries in relationships at first by simply standing up for yourself. Figure out how you really, truly feel about a matter and state your feelings, simply and honestly. Don’t feel the need to defend yourself or explain how you feel. Instead, simply use honest and direct language to let those around you know that you have firm boundaries in place on the matter.
Is someone calling you names? Let them know that is unacceptable by saying, “It’s not okay for you to call me names like that. Please stop.” Or, is someone trying to bully you into a commitment you don’t want to make? If that’s the case, respond by saying, “I don’t feel comfortable doing that. I’m going to have to ask you to be alright with me not taking on that commitment.” Saying no is always an option. However, saying yes when you know you would rather decline the offer is never okay. Value your own stance.
Consent Matters
Healthy boundaries can be emotional and also physical. At the core of both is consent. Before you date, think about what you want from love – do you want to save yourself for marriage? Are you comfortable with a physical connection before marriage but want to wait until you know the person better? The only ones who get to have input on what is right for you are you and God. You don’t have to compromise on anything to be worthy of love.
Check in with Him regularly to help guide your path, and then look for a dating partner who respects the boundaries that you have set. If they are not comfortable with that, or if they try and pressure you, then they are not the right person for you. Period. Consent matters; enthusiastic consent matters, and your boundaries matter. Hold out for a partner who is happy to actively discuss consent, and who respects your right to say ”no.”
The Beauty Of Boundaries
Building stronger boundaries can be tough for those of us who are desperately looking for love, but it is actually your boundaries that will help you to find a healthy relationship and the love of your life! Analyze whether you want love because you feel incomplete without a partner, or because you’re ready to share all that is amazing about you with someone else! If it’s the second option, then you know you are ready to find love with someone great!
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