Great, solid relationships require great, solid boundaries. It’s as simple as that. In this video, Dr. Henry Cloud defines what a boundary is and how to start setting healthy boundaries for the relationships in your life. If you’re not sure where to start with working towards healthy thriving interactions, take a few minutes and watch the video below today – it might be the boost you need to improve your love life!
Setting Healthy Boundaries for a Great Relationship [VIDEO]
Why Do We Need Solid Boundaries?
So why is it so important to focus on setting boundaries in our relationships? Dr. Henry Cloud says it brilliantly in the video above: “Just as homeowners set physical property lines around their land, we need to set physical, emotional and spiritual boundaries for our lives to help us distinguish what’s our responsibility and what isn’t.”
Essentially, to be great partners, and to be great people, we need to focus on how we can be our best selves. Setting healthy boundaries helps with this as it helps us work out what areas we are responsible for. This means we don’t get distracted by the issues that are actually someone else’s responsibility to fix. We can help out, sure, but boundaries make sure we aren’t shouldering someone else’s burden at the expense of our own.
Healthy Boundaries Help Us Focus Our Energies
There’s a great Polish proverb that translates as ‘not my circus, not my monkeys.’ Essentially, it’s cautioning us to own our own problems, and stop trying to fix everyone else’s. This is something Dr. Cloud also addresses in the video above.
As he puts it, without boundaries, our neighbor’s yard can quickly overwhelm our own. We’d love to grow our own garden, but how can we when we are forever tidying up after our neighbor’s bad upkeep? However, when we put up a fence, we can more clearly see where our part of the problem ends and where our neighbor has to pick up the slack. This isn’t selfish. Instead it helps us focus our energies on the things we can change – when we’re not distracted by someone else’s circus and someone else’s monkeys, we can have time for our own improvements.
Keep The Good Stuff In And The Bad Stuff Out
Of course, as Dr. Cloud reminds us, part of setting healthy boundaries is knowing when to open the gate in that fence that we’ve built. You’re not keeping everyone out – you’re simply protecting yourself from those who don’t know how to own their problems. You’re guarding your heart.
When someone good comes along – someone trustworthy – your boundaries will help you have the distance to see that they are worth letting in. When that time comes, you can unlock the guard around your heart and start creating a mutually supportive, mutually strong relationship. You can fall in happy, healthy love – the kind that lasts.
And it all starts with setting healthy boundaries.
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About the author: When it comes to relationship experts, Dr. Henry Cloud is up there – pun intended. He is considered one of the foremost Christian experts in the importance of setting relationship boundaries. If you liked the video above, head over to Amazon to see an array of his books on the subject of boundaries, including Boundaries in Marriage, Boundaries for Leaders and When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life.