In these modern times, just how important is it to go through the step of introducing your new partner to your parents? As this piece by Christian author Andrew Hess argues, it’s very important indeed – even if you’ve moved away from your hometown. Here’s why getting your parents’ say on your relationship matters so much.
Introducing Your New Partner to Your Parents Is Still Important
Do you live in the town where you grew up? If you are a young adult, there’s a good chance you don’t. More and more young adults are moving away from their families for jobs, relationships or just a good old-fashioned adventure. I’m one of them. After graduating college in the Midwest, I moved to Colorado, which is where I’ve lived for the last 12 years. This seems like a story repeated all over the country. And it has interesting ramifications for modern dating.
Just a generation ago, most people married someone who grew up in the same city or town as them. The couple’s parents already knew each other and, in many cases, had literally watched their children’s future spouses grow up. Today, these types of marriages are becoming increasingly rare. Instead, we are getting more varied with the ways in which we are finding our marriage partners.
One of the challenges created by our generation’s increase in transience is the hindrance of one of the primary safeguards for those on the road to marriage. We no longer lean on our families, and especially our parents, the same way we used to as we choose a mate. Here’s why we need rethink that strategy. Introducing your new partner to your parents is still important – no matter how far away you live.
So why is introducing your new partner to your parents still so vital? Simply put, there is great value in leaning on the wisdom of those who love us early on in a new relationship. Our families can often see relational or character issues long before we do. of course, we need to give them the time to see that. It takes time to cultivate the relationship between our parents and our partner. Our parents may not have the same insight or wisdom to offer after a quick weekend visit.
It’s also important for those on the road to marriage to give the people we love and respect permission to speak candidly about someone we are dating. Ask them for their unfiltered advice and listen carefully to what they say. If your parents don’t like your partner, and you are hearing the same concerns from several people, it’s a sign that you may need to take a closer look at your relationship. Even the wisest people can sometimes make very foolish mistakes when it comes to their relationships. When we fall in love, we can become oblivious to flaws and shortcomings that we should really pay attention to.
If you live far from family, and it will be some time before you can try introducing your new partner to your parents, remember you can always turn to our Father for guidance. One of the best things we can do is submit our relationship to God and be attentive to patterns of disregard for God’s commands. For instance, everyone struggles with certain things, but how does the person you are interested in respond when they struggle? Do they make excuses and gloss over their failings or do they admit their mistakes and take steps to improve their misguided behavior? Turning quickly from sin may indicate stronger character than never admitting to mistakes in the first place.
If you are in a relationship and haven’t spent time together with people who love you enough to tell you the truth, it’s an important step to take. Let the wise people in your life get to know your significant other and ask them for their honest feedback. It’s better to know now and save yourself the pain of a big mistake. For the biggest decision of our lives, the more external wisdom we are leaning on, the better.
You may also be interested in: Does God Pick Your Spouse? How Involved Is He In Finding The One?