Anyone dating after 30 and beyond will tell you how different the landscape is from the dating scene in their 20s. It isn’t just a matter of environmental changes—even though you may live in a different city, hang out with different crowds, and use different kinds of technology, there are more fundamental changes that result in a very different dating experience.
Understanding the scope of these dating differences can help you prepare for the dating world when you re-enter it after a period of removal due to marriage, career focus, or other circumstances. Here’s what changes when you’re dating after 30.
Your Priorities Are Different
The type of mate you’re looking for in your 30s is probably different than your ideal partner in your 20s. While these exact details will vary from person to person, generally those dating after 30 will have a clearer picture of their ideal mate while younger daters have a more ambiguous picture. For instance, you may find that you’re prioritizing family plans more than you used to. You’re also likely looking for more signs of career and financial stability, and are less picky about little personality quirks that might be deal breakers earlier on.
You Know the Red Flags
In the early days of dating, you fell in love without hesitation. You didn’t have the life experience to spot the unsuitable partners before getting emotionally involved. However, dating after 30 often means dating with some life lessons under your belt, and so you’ll be much more privy to the red flags. Not only are you wiser the second time around, if you’re dating after a life event like divorce, you may have kids in the picture – meaning you have to be more attuned to red flags than ever.
You Have More Responsibilities
All those life lessons do have a purpose: they make you stronger and more capable to survive a breakup or persevere anything life throws at you. So, chances are that you have your life together more when you re-enter the dating scene as a 30-something. You might have a demanding career, one or more children, or other significant responsibilities in your life. The point is, dating is never your first priority. It’s just one nice thing in your life rather than the only thing.
You’re More Straightforward
Asking someone out on a date when you’re young is an awkward, coy affair, but once you’re a little older, the whole process becomes much more blunt and straightforward. It’s one of the main things you’ll know about yourself when dating after 30 and beyond – you’re much more willing to be upfront with your intentions, for better or for worse.
You’re Okay With Nights In
When you’re young, you want to go out—and even if you don’t, you know everybody else is going out, so you feel pressured to go out. When you’re a little older, you (and your potential partners) are all a little more comfortable with spending the night in or turning in before midnight. That means dating after 30 is ideal for anyone who loves dating that involves a quiet meal and fine conversation.
The dating world might be different when you’re over 30, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less fun—in fact, if you go in prepared, many people find dating after 30 even more enjoyable experience than dating in their 20s. Get involved and live it up!
Challenges of Dating After 30
While there are many universal challenges that come with dating over 30, Christian dating after 30 is significantly different in its own right. Due to the balance of personal faith and professional growth, finding Christian singles who identify as Believers in the midst of this defining era of your life can be tough. Past relationships have shaped you, your goals and priorities have shifted, and it’s much easier to identify what you want, even if it feels harder to find. Here are some of the most common struggles among Christians dating after 30.
Societal Pressure
An expectation that many in the Christian community are pressured with is settling down by a certain age, but statistically, this simply just isn’t possible for everyone. In fact, the average age at which most Americans get married is in their 30s, which means almost half of all couples will find themselves dating over 30 in some capacity.
Dating as an older Christian can come with some stigma for both men and women, but it’s important not to let these external critics shape your journey, as your pursuit for a Godly partner is equally as spiritually motivated as the rest of your walk with Christ. While it can be easy to get caught up in perceived cultural norms or compare yourself to other friends or members of your church who found love sooner, the best advice is to remember not to be discouraged, as God’s plan for you is becoming realized each and every day.
Shrinking Dating Pool
One reality that scares many Christians is that as they grow older, the number of dating prospects dwindles substantially for both men and women. And while that may appear to be true on the surface, as we mentioned previously, it’s statistically not the case. You may feel this way when looking at your peers at church, but that doesn’t mean the odds aren’t still in your favor. Sure, you may have to meet someone outside of your immediate community, but with tools like online dating apps like Christian Mingle, the fact that there are plenty of single men and women will quickly become obvious.
Spiritual Compatibility
For a devout Christian, finding the right match is all about aligning spiritually, which means you share the same beliefs and values regarding your denomination and incorporate these and other faith-based practices into your lifestyle. Since you’re older, you have a better idea of what your religious habits are, such as how often you attend church or any roles you have volunteering, to name a few. It’s highly preferable that you hold the same passion for the Gospel, as it will immediately result in spiritual compatibility.
Once you’ve met a like-minded Christian you are fond of, a great way to verify their commitment to their faith, as well as your expectations, is to partake in various faith-based activities. These can include everything from attending a sermon together to watching Christian films or attending a couples Bible study.
Spiritual Guidance for Dating After 30
There’s never a time that you should dismiss credible and informed spiritual guidance, even if you’re single and over the age of 30 and becoming frustrated with this particular type of advice. However, the Gospel calls on us as Believers to be steadfast in the work of God in our daily lives, so it’s essential that you don’t lose hope just because of things like age and timing, and continue to be proactive in prioritizing your faith and career goals.
The Power of Prayer
One practice that should never be lost on any Christian is routine prayer, which is essential not only for your own personal spirituality but also when deliberating important life choices. Prayer doubles as a source of divine strength granted through devout faith, and can provide hope and comfort during difficult endeavors like searching for a prospective life partner. You also develop a divine trust in the Lord when he acknowledges your prayers, helping you to better understand divine timing. Ultimately, this leads you to more clearly understand the purpose of your pursuit.
Trusting in God’s Plan
While we hear about trust in God’s plan throughout a wide array of topics when concerning the Christian faith, one of the most applicable times for this reminder is when you’re dating after 30. While many around you may or may not have gotten married, that doesn’t affect the trajectory God has destined for you, and continuous prayer and acceptance of the path He has carved you are part of the glory that is immediately apparent when revealing the one He chose.
One of the first steps to surrendering to God’s plan is reserving your trust in Him wholeheartedly, which shows your commitment to your faith above all else. Secondly, you’ll need to practice exercising patience, which is hard in many situations, let alone when looking for a life partner that you’ve been hoping to find for some time. While this may take practice, it really is achieved by not forcing the issue, and making the right decision instead of a hasty one. This all culminates in trusting the Lord despite uncertainty, as it’s all part of your greater spiritual journey.
Finding Reassurance Through Faith
At the end of the day, your reliance on your faith is the single strongest tool for remaining steadfast when setting out to accomplish your personal and professional aspirations, including eventually settling down with a fellow Christian spouse. As we just stated, having a relationship with God the Father is step one, but you’re also heavily encouraged to seek counsel from your community as well.
A couple of ways to accomplish this is by participating in Bible studies with small groups, requesting advice from trusted elders in the church, and using your gatherings from these sessions to further your personal spiritual practices by studying and applying the concepts in your own life, and not just when dating.
Navigating Your Personal Journey
One of the most surprising things that Christians don’t realize until they start dating seriously is how much they’ll learn about themselves in the process. Everyone’s walk with Christ looks different, so it shouldn’t come as a shock when your timeline for finding a loving companion is not the same as others. We all have different standards and expectations, so as we’re able to learn more about ourselves as we date, we can make more informed decisions about how compatible a partner is in our lives moving forward.
Personal Growth
While dating is meant to be rewarding, not every person you grow fond of is guaranteed to reciprocate those same feelings. In fact, you may have to get used to people either already being in a relationship or failing to align with your desires and expectations once you start getting to know them better. It may even be the case that you make a mistake along the way that results in a mutual breakup. In these instances, you’ll need to develop emotional resilience, but what you learn from the endeavor will only help you grow as a person and, along with continued prayer, assist you in becoming the best version of yourself.
The Role of Introspection
Being introspective is a valuable life skill, but it’s especially helpful when you’re dating. That’s because you need to look within to understand what you really want and need from a partner, which then helps you set boundaries and requirements when dating and evaluating your significant other. Another way to apply this skill is by analyzing the successes and failures of past relationships, which not only helps you understand positives and negatives, but also helps you to become more self-aware in your actions and approach going forward.
Reconciling Faith and Life Choices
When you’re dating as a Christian in your 30s, it’s not uncommon to look back at your past and feel like you fell short in your decision-making. However, our Lord offers the ultimate forgiveness, and when reevaluating these moments, redemption is possible with a genuine heart change. While contemporary dating is quite conflicting with many traditional Christian values, it’s up to you to decide how faith and modern culture intertwine in your life, and achieving the right balance for you is key.
Overcoming Self-Doubt
There’s no denying that singles over 30 have some difficulty in the dating field, but the most important thing to remember is your confidence in your self-worth. Many Christians experience dating anxiety, but one of the easiest ways to curb these feelings is by erasing negative talk and thoughts about the situation, and replacing them with positive, spiritual affirmations that remind you that God’s at work in your life.
Online Dating
One of the most useful creations in modern technology is the advent of online dating, which has allowed like-minded individuals, including Christians, to find partners more easily and without having to meet in person. While dating after 30 can feel like an emotional journey, using a dating app can help you exercise patience and discretion in a way that isn’t possible in person, and because of their advanced filtration options, you can be more confident in what you’re looking for, instead of settling for someone who doesn’t align with you spiritually and in your lifestyle. Even though you still may deal with the highs and lows of vulnerability and uncertainty, it’s become much more useful for targeting others who actually fit your ideals and expectations.
You may also be interested in: 6 Signs You’re Ready To Start Getting Back Into Dating
About the author: Sheila Blagg is a Divorce Mediator certified through the Ohio Supreme courts. She writes about online dating and life after divorce. You can follow her on Twitter.
