Shanequa & Jered: “Never give up on looking for the right one!”

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How did you meet? What was your first date like? Give us all the details!
Her perspective: He was the second-to-last man to message me on ChristianMingle, and I almost didn’t respond because this time around, I was focused on getting to know a man and wanted to make sure I wasn’t talking to too many men. Jered was very respectful and I loved that he wrote that he was dedicated to Christ, looking to marry (and soon) and wanted a family in his profile.

After sending messages back and forth for about two weeks, he asked me if I would like to have a brief dinner (I joked that we could do a longer one, if he wanted), and I agreed. We met for sushi, though I didn’t actually get sushi at the restaurant. He brought flowers when we met and picked me up from my house. I remember him telling me that I looked more beautiful in person than I did in my pictures. We spent a lot of time talking on our date, and decided to walk around San Francisco a little more after our dinner. He gave me a hug and dropped me off at my door.

We went on another date; it was wonderful, and near the middle of it, he asked me if he could pursue me in a courtship to see if we were a good marriage match. I was absolutely flattered and surprised! I ended up telling him that I was actually seeing him and others, and didn’t want to rush into a decision on who to date exclusively yet. I reassured him that I liked him a lot and wouldn’t drag my decision out. I thought he wouldn’t see me anymore, but to my surprise, he did!

His perspective: First, I want to encourage the men out there to first of all, never give up on looking for the right woman. You will be so glad that you waited. The Bible teaches us not to be unequally yoked, and it is still true thousands of years later. I can’t even begin to express the heartache I felt trying to pursue somebody I had no business pursuing.

That brings me to my next point. Pursue! Men, if you see someone you want to talk to, talk to her! Chances are, she wants to talk to you, too! After all, men are called to be leaders and should be the ones taking the initiative.

Finally, don’t take advice from just anyone. Look for advice from people you trust; ultimately, only you can decide who is right for you. Now, I will get off my soapbox and tell you how my wife and I met.

To start, I never had a serious relationship until I met Shanequa. I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to pursue someone who has the same values as you do. You may try to convince yourself that it will work, but it won’t. It took some counseling and mentoring to finally put me on the right path. By the way, I was 31 and never had a girlfriend. That all changed, however, in February 2016.

Shanequa and I started out just chatting through ChristianMingle. I almost didn’t reach out to her, but I did. To tell the truth, I wasn’t sure she would say “yes.” I had read so many articles and listened to so many podcasts stating how women prefer men with more education than themselves. Shanequa had her Master’s, and I hadn’t even finished my Associate’s. Besides that, we had so much in common: travel, art, outdoors, food and (more importantly) a shared interest in serving God . Therefore, I decided to not let our educational differences get in my way and reached out to her. I am so glad that I did.

We hit it off from the beginning. First, we chatted for about a week. Then, I decided it was time to meet in person. I didn’t want to drag it out too long because, to me, the whole purpose of online dating was to meet my future spouse. Shanequa and I connected from the very beginning. She was beautiful, smart and funny. Needless to say, I wanted to get to know her better.

I felt that I could be real with Shanequa; I never felt like I had to put on a mask. I felt comfortable with her. Throughout the year, we continued to grow closer and challenged each other over the hard questions. We discussed it all; finances, sex, spiritual matters. It quickly became clear we both wanted the same thing: a marriage built on a strong foundation in Christ. Believe me, it was scary sometimes. Every time we had a tough conversation, I thought it would be our last. Thankfully, it wasn’t.

Describe the moment you knew it was true love!
Her perspective: After a few weeks, I stopped dating the other people and focused on him. I told him one day that he was the only one I was dating, and if he was still interested, to ask me into a courtship again. He did – and in about eight months, we knew that we were for each other. I’m so excited to become his wife in a few short weeks.

His perspective: Finally, in November 2016, I asked Shanequa to be my wife. We have been married since January 2017.

What advice would you give other ChristianMingle members?
Her perspective: If you are single, and still looking for a spouse, don’t give up. The Lord is faithful. I’ve been in many bad relationships and made so many mistakes, but God is faithful, he will not allow his children to fall. Nothing can separate you from the love of Christ, and with Him, all things are possible.

His perspective: To every single man out there looking for a wife, I want to offer some advice: decide what is important to you, don’t settle, and pray and trust God for the results. Don’t pretend, be real. Be patient. If you keep these in mind, you will eventually find someone. God bless you on your journey.

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