When I met my fiancé, I had a dating history I was rather quiet about. It shouldn’t have been that way, but my own insecurities and fears crept in and kept me from relaying all of my past.
A couple of days ago, we had a discussion about why he wanted to know about my dating history. My fiancé desires that we have no secrets between us. He wants me to allow every single one of my walls to fall down. When marriage comes, he doesn’t want there to be anything between us. I agreed with everything he said, and I desire the same. That’s why I decided to share my dating history and the storms it brought in my life; he knows I was not in a good place emotionally and that I was in rebellion.
“For nothing is hidden that will not be made manifest, nor is anything secret that will not be known and come to light.” —Luke 8:17
Freedom From Your Secrets
Before I told my fiancé about my past, it was like there was a wall of water between us. We could see each other, but I would always be a blurred version of myself. I needed to fully expose myself before him in order for us to grow closer together towards God. When I did that, I felt like that wall of water dropped. It was freeing.
Relaying the truth to your partner will halt all of the fears you have in moving forward. One of my fears was that once he found out my dating history, he would think I was dating for the sake of dating, or that I wasn’t fully ready to start dating again because the timing only spanned about a month from my last date to when I met him. There was a part of me that thought no one would truly believe that I was free from my past, my failures and pursuing my own fleshly will.
While I worried I would hurt him by telling the truth, it hurt my partner when I would keep my dating history to myself, as though only I could know about it. In the end, I fell more in love with him because he desired to know all of me. He never wants to stop learning about me, and that’s one of the things I love about him.
The Rewards Of Vulnerability
After I had relayed things to him from my dating experiences, my fiancé prayed for me. He prayed that I would be healed from all of my past, and that I wouldn’t take it into my future, that I would trust him and know that he’s not like all of the other guys I’ve dated. It’s so humbling and beautiful to know that someone cares about you enough to pray over your past. That’s the beauty of being open and vulnerable. I would have missed that if I kept everything to myself.
Being open and honest regarding your romantic past will remove the anguish and bitterness from your soul. Seeing how much your partner desires to know you and pray for you will help propel you forward from keeping things hidden. It will breathe life into you again so you can walk in freedom in your relationship, knowing that your partner won’t judge you, but love you.
“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.” —Ephesians 4:22-25
When you reveal your dating history to your partner, you’ll also be revealing something about them. Will they want to know the full you, flaws and all, and pray for your healing? Or will they judge you for things in your past? It’s better to be honest about your dating history early on so that you can gauge whether this is the accepting and loving person you deserve.
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