Falling In Love: Is It A Feeling, Or A Choice?

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Many people think they’re falling in love when they feel that first rush of infatuation. It’s easy to idealize someone when you first get to know them.

But if love is something you fall into, and many people later say they fell for the wrong person, maybe we should decide to just not fall!

Maybe We Shouldn’t Fall

You see, we don’t have to let ourselves fall for someone. When we “fall” in love and let ourselves dive into the bliss of what we are euphorically feeling, we are riding a sea of emotion and not exactly sure where we are going. We may not have yet given much thought as to the commitment and compatibility part of love. We often start to fall for someone before we have even evaluated their character and prayed about the relationship.

Maybe “deciding to love” is the better path for those coming out of hurtful experiences where the plunge into passionate feelings was met with disaster. Asking the hard questions isn’t as fun as free-falling into the oasis of infatuation. But love is a wide-eyed decision and a prayerful, serious commitment first, with those passionate feelings as added confirmation of our heart and our intentions.

Should I Decide To Love?

Approaching love as a thoughtful decision rather than an uncontrollable feeling is a smart choice to consider. Here are some of the hard questions that must be answered before you decide to love:

  • Do I want to love this person, or am I just desperate for a partner?
  • Can I follow through on my commitment to having a growing relationship? Do I have the time and focus to commit to this person?
  • Have I counted the cost to love this person? Am I willing to deal with distance, health issues, financial strain, family needs and career paths?
  • Am I ready to express my commitment, or do I just feel a rush of emotion and want to go with the flow?
  • Do I believe I will receive love back from this person? Or am I blindly falling for someone who has not indicated their serious intentions towards me?
  • Am I emotionally healthy enough for love? Have I worked through my own issues and emotional scars? Am I prepared to be vulnerable with someone and yet respecting of myself and my needs?
  • Do I have a relationship with God that will fill me daily with His love so that I can withstand the hard times that are part of a committed loving relationship?

When Love Begins

After looking at these hard-hitting questions, some of you might be reconsidering if you still want to fall in love! And that’s good. Love is not a rush of emotion or a euphoric high that comes with physical attraction. Those great feelings are a part of it, but that’s not the main substance of love. And that’s why we don’t have to fall.

Instead of falling in love so easily, we might want to look at these realistic questions, work through them, pray about them and then make the decision: I am ready to love? When we do this, we know that God, the author of love, will guide us on our journey to the wonder of committed love.

You may also be interested in How I Fought Dating Frustration & Found Love

Lauren Caldwell is a bit of a Fireball, a House Remodeler, Motivational Speaker, Relationship Coach, Wife and Mother of two impressive young adults. Married for over 32 years to her husband, Bill, an ordained minister, she has ministered in churches and spoken at seminars and retreats. With a B.A. in English and Biblical Studies, Lauren tackles the subject of Relationships from a biblical perspective and radical candor on her blog, www.LoveLaurenCaldwell.com. You can also find her on YouTube at her Mother-Daughter Relationship Advice Channel, LIFE LOVE LESSONS