The Most Dangerous Dating Trap For Christian Singles

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When you’re single and dating, it’s possible that you could fall into a pretty dangerous trap: repeatedly dating the wrong people. If you’ve been on fifty first dates, then you know what I’m talking about. It leaves you questioning everything. “Why hasn’t something worked out yet? Is it me?”

A Godly Approach To Dating

Singles are constantly encouraged to date, as though somehow life will magically be perfect if you find someone. You’re told to go out and have fun and see what happens, but the problem is that this is a carefree approach to dating. In fact, it goes against a godly approach to dating that’s recommended in the Bible. Instead, you should focus on having patience, guarding your heart and trusting in God, not your own flesh or even other people.

If someone pursues dating with the only intention of finding someone to be happy, then nothing will ever work out. You will indeed find yourself in the maelstrom of dating countless people if you only have your heart set on making yourself happy.

Yes, God desires for us joy and an abundant life in Him, but He wants us to pursue it the right way. Not out of selfish ambition or self-happiness, but out of love for Him. When the desire for someone on earth becomes more than your desire for God, then you can certainly count on God molding your heart to see that until you do.

The True Purpose Of Dating

The cycle of finding yourself dating the same duds over and over again will eventually leave you numb, jaded and hopeless. It will be extremely difficult to feel like anything can be restored from your repeatedly broken heart. This is when you find yourself on the bedrock of hopelessness and pain. Dating was not created to fulfill a temporary desire of happiness; dating was designed for the pursuit of marriage, and only when you’re completely and utterly surrendered to the Father’s will.

This dating cycle is where Satan delights in trapping people. He loves to wrap a veil of lies around your face until you can no longer see with holy eyes that which God desires for you: the surrendering of your heart to the Father.

Satan wants you to believe you’re only good for settling, that you’re only good for this kind of person, that you’re only good for lowering your standards, that you’re only good for a season, that you’re only good for an incomplete or half-joy. You will never feel entirely fulfilled, right? That’s the enemy’s masterplan, to get you so wrapped up in your hopeless dating cycle that you become someone else, believe something else.

How To Stop The Dating Cycle

For yourself, your heart and your very soul, stop. Stop the dating cycle if you know you’re going on your own will rather than by the will of your Father in Heaven. Stop if you feel like you’re in rebellion, thinking, “If God won’t make anything work out, then I’ll force it to.”

Stop seeking dates for your happiness, and begin to return to God. Make Him number one again. Make Him a priority in your life again. Meditate on verses, sing them into your being. Soothe your heart with His words and through prayer; don’t neglect feeding your soul with the one that makes you whole amid your brokenness. Surrender.

Once you surrender, your soul will begin to flourish again. God will restore your broken heart. God will bring you into His arms and give you the desires of your heart; just make Him your strongest desire. You were created for so much more than a temporary joy. God will give you more than you ever dared imagine, and He will truly fulfill the longing in your heart with His best, the one whom He made perfect for you.

“God, your God, will outdo himself in making things go well for you: you’ll have babies, get calves, grow crops, and enjoy an all-around good life. Yes, God will start enjoying you again, making things go well for you just as he enjoyed doing it for your ancestors. But only if you listen obediently to God, your God, and keep the commandments and regulations written in this Book of Revelation. Nothing halfhearted here; you must return to God, your God, totally, heart and soul, holding nothing back.”  —Deuteronomy 30: 9-10

Work on trusting God in your dating pursuits and you’ll soon find that your luck in love starts to change.

You may also be interested in Dating Vs. Courtship: Which Is Right For You?

Samantha is a Christian oil painter and writer. She received her BA in Mass Communication/Journalism and is currently pursuing her MFA in Writing from Lindenwood University. Her work has been published in Christian Woman Magazine, The Good Women Project, Faithlife Women and literary art journals. She published her own poetry book, "Sands of Grace," hoping to encourage women in their walk with Christ. She lives in Waco, Texas with her wonderful husband, Omar. You can find more of her work at samanthadenisehardcastle.wordpress.com.